My Conscientious Objection Story
I started college in September of 1965. The Vietnam War was beginning to build up and move into America’s headlines. In my junior year, 1968, the war escalated dramatically. The Draft Lottery on Dec. 1, 1969, spit out number 46 for my birthday 11/11/47. I was going to be drafted after I graduated in May at the end of my student deferment. I did not want to go. Now what?
I had become interested in, and excited about, teaching because of a philosophy of education class during my junior year. “Summerhill” and other progressive education books suggested I could help improve the world via the classroom, and I found a job in a small school in Connecticut teaching social studies. Teaching was a possible deferment. A medical deferment because of my migraines was a possible deferment. My draft board in Buffalo, NY said no. “Frankly, Mr. Dow, we are taking everybody.”
At this point I needed some help. There was no internet, right? I cannot remember how I found out about it, but I discovered that the American Friends Service Committee was doing draft counseling in nearby Hartford. There, I learned about the appeals process, which I used to try for a teaching deferment to no avail over a span of about a year. Now what?
The draft was now imminently real, and I knew I was not going to go fight in the Vietnam War. Why?
I had read enough to know that it was not a just war. Even more, I had read enough antiwar literature to know what war did to the “soul”: All’s Quiet on the Western Front , Jonny Got His Gun, The History of War, The Brothers Karamazov. I understood that the purpose of military boot camp is to desensitize innate humanity to allow mass murder by young men and their commanding officers. I felt ready to apply for CO classification. (It is an amazing grace that the USA is one of only about 30 countries that allows this). AFSC was ready to help me go through this long process. It involved a year and one half of correspondence and included three face-to-face meetings with the draft board. The third meeting concluded with their challenge of my sincerity and my willingness to prove that sincerity by refusing to step forward at the time of induction and to be arrested by the FBI and going to jail.
The last option open to me was to appeal the rejection of the CO to the state level. Because of some quirks in the Selective Service Act, I could appeal to any of three states. I chose what I thought would be a more understanding of my request–Massachusetts. Americans’ support for the war had changed a lot by 1971 and I believe this helped. My assignment to alternative service at a social service agency was approved in February. My date to report was postponed until after the end of that school year.
A note about alternative civilian employment. It had to disrupt the life of the registrant. The job had to be at least 100 miles from one’s current residence, and the payment had to be at the lowest rate for that position. Some important general questions. Did I seek deferments and CO status because I was a coward? I believe that yes, I was afraid of dying. But I was horrified about having to kill someone. I also believed that unless basic training truly did its job, I would be in a combat situation during which I would hesitate to pull the trigger long enough to get myself or my fellow soldiers killed.
Do I feel guilty about not going and having someone else serve in my place? Yes. I was an overeducated white suburban kid with the right resources. How many thousands of draftees were just as sincere about opposing war but did not really know about a CO possibility.
Another note: Looking back at all the writing that I did to explain myself, I see a lot of naivety and perhaps innocence. But…this was a 22-year-old. I am very glad to see that I seemed to have had that innocence and that a certain intensity and earnestness. Here again, however, is privilege.
Rick Dow is a member of Lehigh Valley Friends Meeting. He has served on many committees both at the monthly meeting and quarterly meeting level. He is an advocate for the homeless and continues to demonstrate for peace and the end of all wars.